Boxes and boxes...

The intense packing has begun and goodbyes are being scheduled and said.
5 more days and we will be gone.
It went fast, and slow and then fast again.

On the up side, after waiting for 3 years, I FINALLY have crown moulding and baseboard in my house. :) So I can enjoy it for 4 whole days and then someone else will.
Oh yes, WE HAVE RENTERS! :)
Am I surprised that God provided the perfect couple? No.
Of course He would and did. It makes my doubt and worry seem so silly, but the process was important. He provides doesn't He? I'm overwhelmed with the mystery of His timing and a thankful heart.

hmm...

and so I need to prepare myself for farewells and "see ya's!". Lately anything is moving me to tears so I am hoping people will be understanding if while walking, talking, shopping or packing I am reduced to a mere puddle on the floor.
I so hate to be leaving this town in the summer. It pure magic.

As moving day approaches, I'm discovering that instead of clinging to loved ones here in town, I am pulling away. Strange because I don't do it purposefully, and yet it happens time after time. I keep asking "Why?" and after getting no reply, have come to my own conclusions.
- this may be my personal way of coping with the move. I know there will be distance and connections lost, so perhaps this is my way of dealing with it early?
- I have a feeling of "whats the point?" when my mind thinks of starting a new group/study, approaching a new friend, or attending an event.
- I've been sick for over 2 weeks now, and on top of being pregnant, I just seem to have no energy to do "extra's".

hmm... I think the biggest reason though, is my discouragement. The fact that no one has rented our house yet, really has me feeling anxious for a few reasons.
- Financially: we can make it work to pay for two houses, but we really don't want to do that. Our living would be tight and we would love to just have the means to explore our new city and not feel money pressed. It is just putting stress on both of us right now and only adding to the problem I mentioned before.
- Emotionally/Mentally: This one is the big one. Our entire journey to move to this new place has been so "heaven sent". Every step of the way we have felt God leading and opening doors and just confirming that this is the right step for us...until now. I'm not saying God can't do amazing things still or that He has failed us; but it keeps replaying over and over in my mind that maybe we aren't supposed to be going? Again, I know that those thoughts are not from God and so I am angry at myself for not having adequate faith and trust in my Creator.

sigh...it's a vicious cycle. My doubting and worry only make me upset in my horrible ability to put God in a box and say, "It can't be done!".
I know it can.
I know He will provide.
I know I need to stop thinking, and start trusting.
I know we will be alright.
This is not the attitude I envisioned having 3 weeks before we leave. I'm just asking for prayer my friends. I seek a happy heart, and a life full of faith, trust and love. I ache already for how lonely it will be for a time and how I will miss those here. I want to enjoy them while I can.

Sick...of being sick!

For the 3rd time in 2 months, I have a sinus cold/infection. In all my other pregnancies, I have avoided taking any kind of medicine...even Tylenol, because I just want to be on the safe side. HOWEVER, this particular time, I'm having trouble sleeping, no appetite and cough candies or lemon and honey cause uncomfortable heartburn.
So I went to the hospital today. 4 hours later I left and still had not seen a doctor. 4 patients came in with severe chest pain and 2 babies with high fevers - so I get it, but it was discouraging. I think the only thing that will take care of it for good, would be antibiotics, and yet I'm still hesitant.
Any advice out there?
Anything that can help?
I've tried all the natural ways and they just aren't cutting it!

Thankful for my husband today though. He chipped right in and did the kids,laundry, dishes and vacuuming. Sigh...lucky I am. :)

Bittersweet

It changes from minute to minute - hour to hour - day to day.

Excited. Fearful.
Happy. Sad.
Encouraged. Discouraged.
Expectant. Anxious.

I've moved alot during my life and each time was filled with adjustment and hurt. Leaving behind friends, family and memories is hard for everyone, but it seems to affect children on a different level. Potty training, sleeping through the night - these things seem to go out the window...perhaps a way of dealing with something new. But each time we moved, I grew stronger. More secure that I could start over, meet new friends and make a "new life" wherever we were.
I've always been fine with the thought that "I will go where my husband goes/lives". It's been my feeling that as a couple we would decide if/when a move would be right for our family. And the decision would be made together - unified in our final conclusion.
Well the time has come. For awhile now it has been pretty common knowledge that we are ready to move on in terms of location and job opportunity for Dave. The "when" has been postponed many times for lack of finances, time and faith. We just haven't been able to get it all right.
And then we did - HE did. He opened some doors (and though some still remain to be opened) and we are moving May 1!
It's crazy because it is going to come fast and there is much to do. And though my emotions flip-flop depending on the day, I am really excited to be starting a new chapter. Excited for our family and how we will bond together through this experience.
But - how do I say goodbye AGAIN? So many loved ones here...so much support and strength come from friends I have in this small little town. Some I have known since moving here - some I have recently become close with. This part is the part that sucks. The question is always, "Who will I stay in touch with? Who can I phone when I'm feeling lonely? Who will come visit?". I think I know the answers now, but only time will tell.
I will grow apart from some - some I already have(and we live so close!); but my hope is that we will still be remembered in prayer and love as we leave this "homebase" and branch out on our own. I can't imagine a more perfect place to raise a family - and yet, our hearts are already elsewhere.
Praying God blesses this journey and we are continually reminded that our decision was thought out, rational and part of His major plan.

27

This was a hard one for me to take in.
27?
Is it possible I'm this old?
Where did time go?
3 years til 30?
Oy...

I was given a nice day. Breakfast in bed, homemade cake, lots of kisses, well wishes from countless friends and family, and a "spring" walk all to myself. It was a great day and I felt truly honored and special.
My husband prides himself on being a great gift giver. I kid you not...this is a topic where he feels he can NEVER do wrong. Perhaps it's pride, ego or just delighting in himself for making me and others happy, but this year he got it right for sure.
On top of all the things I've already listed, he put on all the casing in our house and installed a new outside door yesterday. All things that I have been yearning to have finished for much too long - and I'm ashamed to admit, have not always had the patience to be silent and wait.
But the real gift he gave me was a notebook. Strange to you? Let me explain. Ever since I was young I have loved to create, imagine and explore my mind for ideas and thoughts and put them on paper. When I was in school, I always excelled (when I applied myself) at any English or writing course and my teachers believed I had promise. In college, we wrote children's stories and I found my dream/passion. It's something I want to really commit to later in life, but the dream is stil there each day and the ideas overflowing. So the notebook(leather bound and beautiful) is to help me direct the thought and have a place to organnize and create. Along with that, he bought a book about how to publish children's stories and already I am learning.
You know, you choose this person who you love and agree to cherish for life - and then you are surprised when they take interest or encourage you to pursue your passion, embrace your skill, and live out your dreams.
So ok, I'm 27 and yikes! and all that, but I also have lots of life yet to live, give and a legacy to leave behind me.
Perhaps books will come in the future?
But regardless, I will always have the love and support of him - my love. the "perfect gift giver"...lol...

Updates and reflections...

What was supposed to be a two-day job, turned into a week in Edmonton. Not only just there, but with my parents in their lovely big house with lots of space for the rug rats. They were so gracious and kind to allow us to stay longer than we thought, and we all (esp. the kids) enjoyed our lengthy visit with them.

It's interesting that bond between parents and children. Interesting that it can morph into friendship over "disciplinarian" or "authority". I like that. I like that I actually miss talking with my mom and hearing my dad preach, because I learn from them! Not only that, but we are able to joke and have fun together as well - who would've thought? lol...

And they are encouraging. When I have a hard day at home, I know I can always call and vent, or cry or complain, and they listen - then encourage.

Even at 27, they remain my comfort and security to know "Am I doing ok? Have I screwed up your granchildren? Will they need therapy?". It's nice. I love them. :)

And now for some updates on the aforementioned wee ones.

- In Edmonton, Connor showed some bravery, independence and free spirit when he CHOSE to do 2 rides at Galaxyland all by himself! He was fantastic and I couldn't help but feel proud that while atop his "big boy" motorcycle, he could clearly be heard yelling "Hurray! Huzzah Mommy! So fun!". My big boy.( Cut to flashforward of my seeing him go to school with cute backpack and lunch pail and this pregnant mama was holding back the tears...where did time go again?)

- Painting is his new love and often our pastime these last weeks of unbearably long winter.

- LOVES "Chitty, Chitty, Bang Bang!" and wants to constantly sing "Toot sweet" and "Truly Scrumptious".

- I'm teaching him more beats on his drums and I have to say, this boy has skill. He can drum (or clap) along with most songs and add his own rhythmn. Its amazing. Perhaps he will set me up with a cushy retirement plan when he makes it big with a drumming career.

- Sophie is not only fiercely dramatic, but quite the nurturer as well. She has taken on the job of equipping first herself, and then Connor with blanket and juice cups all day....even when Connor doesn`t want either...even when he says `Not now Soph`...she faithfully(and patiently) waits for him to realize `hmm...actually, I could have a drink` and there she is - beaming and ready to serve her big brother.

- She now says `hiiii`about 85 times a day and whenever she passes a tv. (She has also recently added `ba pa`(Papa) and `noooo` into her vocab.

- Her hair is long enough to put in pig tails and pony`s, but still wispy enough that she has some balder patches and tufts coming this way and that - but it`s too adorable!

- She loves to take all the Tupperware out of the drawer, and then very carefully put it all back in. (and I mean, I`m not sure where she gets this `clean up`attitude...must skip a generation!

They love to chase each other, wrestle and play hide-n-seek...their giggles make my day!

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Sing a song...

My kids fell asleep listening to hymns being sung by faltering senior voices around them...not a bad way to start your night right?
I love hymns. They offer so much history, truth and praise in lyric, but also leave such a legacy you can't help but remember as you sing them.

We were visiting my 90 yr. old Gramma at her retirement home this evening, and decided to sit in on a sing-a-long that was happening there. I'm so glad we did. Who knew you could be so blessed and encouraged by sharing your voice with a choir of elders by singing honor and glory to our Lord?
We sang, "Let the lower lights be burning" and I looked around at the wrinkled faces - what were their stories?
When we sang "Does Jesus Care", I wondered if any were struggling with fear, loss or loneliness?
Even Connor chimed in on "Blessed Assurance". It was wonderful.

My family used to do services at nursing homes in our community - maybe once a month. We would lead a singing, do special music and my father would preach a short devotional. At the time, the LAST thing I wanted to do was spend couple of hours with old people I didn't know and sing songs. Of course, I see now how beneficial it was to have us experience that and I hope to have the same opportunity for my children as well. It might not be as often, but I do want them to embrace our "senior" citizens and respect them for who they are, what they have been through, and what they stand for. There is much to be learned there.

I'm not sure if it was pure exhaustion, or the soft lull of the piano/voices that put my sweets to sleep, but I'd like to think that tonight their little brains will replay some of the amazing words and promises they heard tonight. I know mine will and I'm so thankful for it.