Under construction

Our house is a mess. My husband recently just finished expanding our sons room - it's huge now and looks awesome, however, we had to take a closet out in order to make the changes. This means, that all the items that were once in the closet...are now all over our house waiting to be organized and put away. Sounds simple...in fact the organization has indeed been done, but heres a few problems.
1. Connor's clothes ,that he no longer wears, have been put in big containers and are waiting to be taken to our shed...alas...the matching lids are nowhere to be found.
2. Shelves that are needing to go up in Connors room, have yet to be painted. At this moment they sit on our deck. I have just finished cleaning them (for a third time) and am waiting for them to be painted and installed so that blankets, clothes and other item may be put in them.
3. We are redoing our bathroom this weekend, so a new sink, tube of linoleum and grout materials are also in the house causing it to look that much more cluttered.

sigh...I love that these things are being done, but I hate living in a state of disarray.

All this to say, as I looked around feeling frustrated in my home..my sanctuary...my space, I started to think about things in my life that are a complete shambles. My resentment for this town(most days), my longing for a deep and close friend, my dis-satisfaction for my body and my disappointment in myself for mistakes I have made and continue to make. How many things have I let pile up in my head or my heart that I just need to get rid of? There is a lot...so much so, that the thought of typing it all out tires me...but no more! I am resolved to start the process of cleaning. Every corner, every nook and cranny...heres to a renovated me!

Crying/sick baby, grumpy husband, messy house...seems like the perfect time to sit down and write some thoughts...or else I may go mad!
Just recently found out that this growing lump inside of me, is a beautiful baby girl. Happier - I could not be, but I find myself filled with doubt and trepidation over the impending birth. Last times c-section was something I don't want to repeat, however, I also don't want to set myself up to fail. What if I can't deliver naturally...again? Does this make me a bad mother? Did I not try hard enough? Is my birth story somehow less relevant than that of those who have a natural birth? These are thoughts in my mind, but what I think it all comes down to is this...i'm scared. Scared to tear, scared to feel contractions again...scared I might be in labour for another 3 days if not more, scared that I'll cry and yell and carry on and be the worst patient ever....scared of pain! I hate to admit it, but thats where it all lies. I'm not going to let this stop me from pursuing the natural course, but...some days the fear gets to me.
It feels better just typing this out.

Well this is my first time blogging...EVER! Pretty exciting however I am actually in a bit of a venting mood so apologies if this seems more like a rant than a blog.
Just was having some thoughts today about parents...parenting and so forth. Why is it that when a man/father stays home with his children people comment and say "Oh! Daddy babysitting tonight? " Babysitting? Sorry but isn't that his job as well as the mothers? When did our society go so lax on the fathers in our world? Why are we letting them of the hook? Perhaps the reason that so many dads shirk their responsibilities is because we let them!
I am very fortunate to have a loving, compassionate and helpful husband who chips in when he can and LOVES to spend tine with our son.