5:06 am - little girl wakes up screaming
5:28 am - little girl back to sleep - mommy and daddy WIDE awake.
perfect time for reflections?
my husband and I are currently in a Bible study called "The Peasants Princess" by Mark Driscoll. It is based on Song of Solomon and although the study can be enjoyed by anyone, he is discussing sex in a strictly marital context.
It is interesting to me how that book of the Bible seems to be passed over so often. Growing up, I remember many occasions when my friends and I would read through the verses, stopping to giggle that the word "breast" was actually written in the Bible. As far as I can remember, I don't think I've ever heard a sermon based on this book...yet sex seems to be a big part of our society and so much of the reason that marriages are ending sooner these days. Infidelity, immorality, selfishness, etc. Seems we should be talking about it more.
This past week we delved a bit into how a man works and the way his mind seems to take visual "snapshots" of beautiful women that they may see. These shots are then stored away and can be recalled at a moments notice (for some men...this is a pretty general statement). He discusses how it is not wrong - and also quite inevitable because of the way they are made- for a man to take notice of other women and their beauty, but it is wrong what is done with those images. I agree...it's all about that second, third, fourth look and so on. But I'm sorry. Does this bother any other woman out there but me? Perhaps it is immaturity, selfishness or simple insecurity, but I don't want my husband to think there are other attractive women out there! I mean, shouldn't I be enough? Even as I write this, I know in my heart that I am enough for him...and he is very respectful in the way he is with women, but it still makes me a bit upset inside. Of course I can tell if another man is good looking or not, but it just seems different for men you know?
There are a bunch of things I'm anxious to sit down and chat with God about someday. Some comical for instance:
- "Mosquitos? Really?"
- "So um the purpose of acne is...?"
- "Was it necessary to bless me with two cowlicks and incredibly stubborn hair?"
some more serious:
- "why do children and women have to suffer so much pain?"
- "how do you allow perverts and murderers to live and cause such destruction?"
- "why did you make men so visually stimulated and women so sensitive that we would clash forever and hurt each other again and again?"
Is this just our "lot" to bear in life? Do we have to just always assume that our men of choice are noticing other women? (with or without sin on their part...) Or on the flip side, if this is truly the way things are, how much more should I be conscious of modesty and how I portray myself to other men.
Perhaps I am overreacting and acting out of complete selfishness, but I can't imagine that this need to protect my marriage and hold it at a higher standard could be considered selfish...any thoughts?
Psalms Week 1 : An Introduction
3 years ago
So, I've been thinking about this since I read your blog yesterday. I don't think there's a woman out there who can't relate to what you wrote. But I also wonder if it would help all of us to remember that there's a lot more to the difference between men and women than just:
ReplyDeletemen = visual
women = sensitive
Like, for instance,
women = tend to over-analyze everything
men = can actually totally turn off their brains and think about absolutely nothing
I ask my husband sometimes, "what are you thinking?" and he says "nothing" and I say, "No seriously, what are you THINKING??" and he says, "nothing" and he really is thinking about absolutely nothing!
This doesn't even seem possible to my female brain. I don't seem to have a "shut off" for my thinking processes! I really wish I did. This is particularly evident when it comes to the issue of worry. Ed can think about a problem for a little while, and then just totally shut off his brain, and fall deeply into sleep. Me? No way! I worry and worry and worry and sometimes I can't do anything to stop thinking about the situation and fall asleep. And even when I do sleep, my dreams are bothered by the things I am worrying about!
So, as this relates to your blog, I wonder if it would help us women to remember that men seem to be preprogrammed to be able to shut off their thoughts easier than women can. So when they see something, or someONE in the case of a beautiful woman, it isn't as hard as it would be for us to stop thinking about the thing they saw, and just be thinking about absolutely nothing two seconds later ... or, in your case, be thinking about their own gorgeous brunette wife with the beautiful big brown eyes and sexy body who just walked in the door!
I mean, obviously men can still fall into sin as so many do, but maybe it was God's way of protecting them from their own "visually driven brains" by also giving them an extra "shut off" to their thinking that women seem to be without.
So next time Ed tells me he's thinking about absolutely nothing -- I'm going to smile and be happy instead of incredulous!
P.S. this is Helen in case you haven't recognized my nickname. :)
i still don't believe they can turn their brains off. :)
ReplyDeletebut i do know the spaghetti/waffle thing is true.. they totally compartmentalize, and our spaghetti is one big wonderful interwoven mess... but it's ours, and we understand it.
It's a good question Jeka.. and I am often plagued the same. We went thru "weekend to remember" with family life, and they talked about the same thing. so when we've passed a beautiful scantilly clad woman in the street, I am tempted (and did once) to ask.. so did you file that away? And he replied, very innocently, "what??" and honestly.. (I believe him) he didn't even see her. He was too busy chewing on something else in one of his waffle holes, he didn't even register her.. meanwhile I was all paranoid, thinking "great, we didn't need to come across her when I look like this..."
so.. yah, like Helen said.. we tend to over analyze and drive ourselves nuts often for no reason.
You ask probing questions, my dear... did you expect long winded answers? :)