Crying/sick baby, grumpy husband, messy house...seems like the perfect time to sit down and write some thoughts...or else I may go mad!
Just recently found out that this growing lump inside of me, is a beautiful baby girl. Happier - I could not be, but I find myself filled with doubt and trepidation over the impending birth. Last times c-section was something I don't want to repeat, however, I also don't want to set myself up to fail. What if I can't deliver naturally...again? Does this make me a bad mother? Did I not try hard enough? Is my birth story somehow less relevant than that of those who have a natural birth? These are thoughts in my mind, but what I think it all comes down to is this...i'm scared. Scared to tear, scared to feel contractions again...scared I might be in labour for another 3 days if not more, scared that I'll cry and yell and carry on and be the worst patient ever....scared of pain! I hate to admit it, but thats where it all lies. I'm not going to let this stop me from pursuing the natural course, but...some days the fear gets to me.
It feels better just typing this out.
11 months ago