Saturday, February 26, 2011

time to kill...

It's a rare day. Hubby working, both babes asleep, cleaning done, dishes done, laundry fluffing and I find myself with time to kill.
Have not been motivated to blog lately...not sure why. I start so many, but either they don't make sense or I don't find relevance or I don't know how to complete what I've started.
It's not that things haven't been going on or that I feel I have nothing to share, but the words just don't seem to come. Perhaps writers block? Perhaps laziness...exhaustion?
So with this in mind - and with my short term of spare time I send this out into the world of web not expecting response, but simply hoping that this admission of "no words" or thought can get me back on track.
I miss the flow and I need the rhythmn that is "writing"...

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Saw my baby today. It was amazing.
My miscarriage has made me a bit reluctant to share much news about this pregnancy. Being a "worrier" while pregnant only encourages that behaviour, and I always wait anxiously for that 20 week ultrasound to let me know baby is fine, moving and developing normally.
Of course, no one can predict things that go wrong after this day, but tonight I sleep well...with that precious face in my dreams, and know that he/she is doing alright.
Can't wait to meet you baby!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


It's an hour before hubby gets home.
And something changes in my house.
Somehow they know, or sense that I need to start supper. That I need to leave them and be in the kitchen. It's as if they save up all their bad behaviour and discontentment to use at this time...
One hour. You can handle anything for an hour right?
But it stretches on and the minutes drag by...

Complaining, whining...
"Mommy just needs a minute...she's making supper YUM!"
Wailing...screaming...hanging on whatever piecs of your body they can...
"I just need to get this ready sweetie, can you give Mommy a minute? Daddy will be home soon!"
Sob stricken, the child is now lying on the floor...devastated and feeling utterly un-loved by the busy Mom.

Is it like this for anyone else?
That final hour where my children turn into "things" that I don't recognize? Or like?

I refer to it as "survival of the fittest". Well, survival anyway.
Some days are better. Some days I have more patience and so do they. Some days I have a casserole or something that doesn't require constant attention.
THIS was NOT today!
And my hubby can see it immediately when he walks in. Exhaustion. Frustration. Anger. Failure

there's gotta be a way to turn back their clocks somehow...

Monday, February 14, 2011

It's LOVE day!

I have not always been a Valentine's fan. It used to (and still does) bother me that prices to eat out on this Day are jacked, men are pressured to break the bank to please the "everyday" woman and women are expected to be uncomfortable in something new and "sexy" for the sake of the special Day.

One day.
Can you imagine basing how much someone loves you on just one day?
Or measuring love by the price of the gift, dinner or memory?

The great thing about being married on such a day, is that it's not about just ONE Day! It's about them all. I know many of our friends could never afford to give their wives diamonds or pearls - but they want too..not because there is an expectation, but rather they feel this is what their women deserve! Just knowing my husband WOULD if he COULD is enough for me on Valentine's Day. He shows me every day that he loves, admires and cherishes me and this Day is just a reminder of how lucky I am!
Of course it's nice to exchange something on such a day, but we generally have kept it to dessert and cards or letters. Something rich, gooey, and very bad for you goes extremely well with a note written with love by someone who sees me all the time and for some reason, still loves me!
So on this Day I am choosing to not get caught up with the world's view - but rather when the house is quiet, and it's just us, we'll light some candles, make some coffee and snuggle up to eat our treats and treasure each other for one more Day.