Tuesday, January 31, 2012


I wonder at how you 'know' when you are finished having kids. You see the chubby, smudgy faces before you and somehow you know...this is the extent of my family. These are the faces I hope to see for years to come. Just these. 
What does it mean to say "I'm done"? What does that feel like? Look like? Is it even our decision? I truly believe that if we are supposed to have more, the One who gave me the freedom to decide, would make that known to us...
And, is it selfish for me to weigh the pros and cons between 3 or 4, when some struggle and wait for just 1? 

I was surrounded by lovely, bulging/swollen bellies this past weekend. Dear friends all at different stages of pregnancy and family. One is awaiting her first; one her second; and one her third. They were radiant, glowing, exhausted, sore, uncomfortable....but all with such love and maternal expectation in their eyes. 

We have said no to that. We are content with the sweet family we have been given.

And yet.....I will miss it. 
I will miss the moving in my belly, the battle of the perfect name, the excitement of new life and anticipation of sweet babe. 
The smell of them seconds after they arrive...

Maybe the yearning never goes away.
Maybe it is their to constantly remind us of the great, awesome and overwhelming gift we have been given. 


  1. I think about it too...but we know we aren't done. Before we even started having kids we said five was what we want and we still feel that way. We are taking a break though my body needs it after this last one lol

  2. It took four and half years for me to not be upset sometimes about being done. Now it is so rare. I get sad that it happened so quick but I DO NOT REGRET being done. It's s different sort of sadness. I have talked to other women who are ten years past being done and they say the same thing- they don't regret it, they do get pangs of the past, and it took until their youngest's fourth or fifth birthday to not feel regret and urges. Those four years I would have moments of crying in the baby aisle. I think they are the hardest!
    I feel this post and totally understand:) Besides, I love having three- it's just enough but not overwhelming...you know when you know:)