"I'm growing in front of you...!"

At this time of year with all the yummy goodies, snacks, huge meals and warm drinks - doesn't it make you so happy to eat? It sure does for me! Even when I'm not hungry, there is always something to snack on...and it always tastes so good! In our society, "they" will try and tell you that you shouldn't eat, shouldn't indulge...you'll gain weight! You aren't quite as attractive if you have love handles or flabby arms. Maybe thats true. Maybe "they" are right? I don't NEED to eat as often as I do, and I certainly don't NEED most of what I consume. It's a treat. But from one woman to another (or man if you are reading this) I love it! I love eating! :) ...just try and stop me...

Baby weight loss has been put on hold this holiday season and calories here I come! :)

(If you happen to see me in January, please try to downplay your reaction to my physical appearance as this New Year will also bring a new workout regime!)

(It's Christmas...let me have my fun?)

"People...
people who need people.
They're the luckiest people in the world..."

Sing it Barbara.

I'm one of those people. I love others. Love socializing. Love to be loved.
So knowing this about myself, now that ALL (thats right, I said ALL) of my social calendar has been put on hold until after the New Year, I find myself counting the hours of my day. Boredom? Not quite. Frustrated? Almost. Lonely? Bang on sister!
But the question is...why? Why do I let myself feel sorry for me and be lonely the whole day through? I could call someone...I could go to someone's house. I have friends that love me and care about me enough to make my day a little less lonely...so what stops me? To be honest, most days it's vanity. I haven't showered or done my makeup...or my house is a disaster and I don't want someone thinking I can't handle my tiny little house. But some days, it goes a bit deeper. My head says "so-and-so doesn't want to spend time with you. What could you have to offer to the conversation anyways?" So I don't call. Don't invite.
How silly! I can't blame anyone but myself. Perhaps I sense a New Years Resolution to be more aggressively social? Or maybe this time is good for me. Maybe I'm just going stir crazy because it's winter and I haven't been outside in a while.
I feel cooped in.
I have no solution to this problem...just needed to finally write out my thoughts and how I'm feeling. I'm sure everyone has at one time, felt this way. My heart goes out to you. And if there is anyone who feels this way now...you know where to find me. If you don't mind bedhead, dirty dishes and perhaps the odd un-covered pimple...come on over.

I'm not a bragger. I actually do the opposite and downplay most of the events of my life as "ordinary". However tonight it hit me...the urge to brag a wee bit on myself for one of my latest accomplishments!

Nov.16, 2009 - I gave birth to a healthy girl. At 7lbs. 10 oz., Sophie Jeanne came flying out of me and into our amazing doctors arms. Now I do need to clarify...when I say giving birth, I do of course mean a completely natural, drug free, 40 minutes of pushing birth experience! I DID IT! After my first son came via c-section, I was apprehensive and yes...terrified of the whole birthing process...cmon..it hurts! But I did it! :) My husband was amazing at coaching me, the doctor and nurses were supportive and encouraging, and God was totally there giving me the energy and strength I needed to meet my precious daughter.

wow...what an experience.

o ya..and one more thing...she is breastfeeding awesome! :) It's so nice to know that my body works and is fulfilling it's purpose!

p.s - I would like to add that to most of you reading this, you have all given birth naturally and maybe this doesn't seem "brag worthy" to you. Apologies. I don't mean to at all downplay your birth stories or make mine seem better...just enjoying this moment of elation before my baby starts crying for food again. :)

priorities

In my moms group on Wednesdays, we've been reading a book," A Mothers Heart", and I find I am most challenged on issues of how I spend my time. What makes up a good day for me? Is it good when my husband walks in the door and dinner is ready, the house is clean and laundry done? Or perhaps, I've chosen to bake yummy treats to share with friends, or taken someone a meal? Or is it simply that I've achieved a checkmark on my list of things to do...it's not. The truly happy days...the truly good days...the wonderfully GREAT days are days when the house is a mess- I have not showered and supper is nowhere near ready; but I have sat with my son and looked out the window...gone for a walk, read tons of books and imagined together...

Now is the time to get things done...

wade in the water,

sit in the sun,

squish my toes

in the mud by the door,

explore the world in a boy just four.

Now is the time to study books,

flowers,

snails,

how a cloud looks;

to ponder "up"

where God sleeps nights,

why mosquitoes take such big bites.

Later there'll be time

to sew and clean,

paint the hall

that soft new green,

to make new drapes,

refinish the floor--

Later on...when he's not just four.

Irene Foster, "Time is of the Essence"

Under construction

Our house is a mess. My husband recently just finished expanding our sons room - it's huge now and looks awesome, however, we had to take a closet out in order to make the changes. This means, that all the items that were once in the closet...are now all over our house waiting to be organized and put away. Sounds simple...in fact the organization has indeed been done, but heres a few problems.
1. Connor's clothes ,that he no longer wears, have been put in big containers and are waiting to be taken to our shed...alas...the matching lids are nowhere to be found.
2. Shelves that are needing to go up in Connors room, have yet to be painted. At this moment they sit on our deck. I have just finished cleaning them (for a third time) and am waiting for them to be painted and installed so that blankets, clothes and other item may be put in them.
3. We are redoing our bathroom this weekend, so a new sink, tube of linoleum and grout materials are also in the house causing it to look that much more cluttered.

sigh...I love that these things are being done, but I hate living in a state of disarray.

All this to say, as I looked around feeling frustrated in my home..my sanctuary...my space, I started to think about things in my life that are a complete shambles. My resentment for this town(most days), my longing for a deep and close friend, my dis-satisfaction for my body and my disappointment in myself for mistakes I have made and continue to make. How many things have I let pile up in my head or my heart that I just need to get rid of? There is a lot...so much so, that the thought of typing it all out tires me...but no more! I am resolved to start the process of cleaning. Every corner, every nook and cranny...heres to a renovated me!

Crying/sick baby, grumpy husband, messy house...seems like the perfect time to sit down and write some thoughts...or else I may go mad!
Just recently found out that this growing lump inside of me, is a beautiful baby girl. Happier - I could not be, but I find myself filled with doubt and trepidation over the impending birth. Last times c-section was something I don't want to repeat, however, I also don't want to set myself up to fail. What if I can't deliver naturally...again? Does this make me a bad mother? Did I not try hard enough? Is my birth story somehow less relevant than that of those who have a natural birth? These are thoughts in my mind, but what I think it all comes down to is this...i'm scared. Scared to tear, scared to feel contractions again...scared I might be in labour for another 3 days if not more, scared that I'll cry and yell and carry on and be the worst patient ever....scared of pain! I hate to admit it, but thats where it all lies. I'm not going to let this stop me from pursuing the natural course, but...some days the fear gets to me.
It feels better just typing this out.

Well this is my first time blogging...EVER! Pretty exciting however I am actually in a bit of a venting mood so apologies if this seems more like a rant than a blog.
Just was having some thoughts today about parents...parenting and so forth. Why is it that when a man/father stays home with his children people comment and say "Oh! Daddy babysitting tonight? " Babysitting? Sorry but isn't that his job as well as the mothers? When did our society go so lax on the fathers in our world? Why are we letting them of the hook? Perhaps the reason that so many dads shirk their responsibilities is because we let them!
I am very fortunate to have a loving, compassionate and helpful husband who chips in when he can and LOVES to spend tine with our son.