Have you ever seen your kids through someone else's eyes?

I don't mean when you're at the store and the kids are crying and you can feel the cold, judgmental stares of elderly citizens and other moms wondering why you can't keep your children under control. Haven't we all been there? Well I don't know, maybe you haven't experienced that, but let me tell you - it's no picnic!

No. I'm talking about when someone sees your kids as "kids" and simply appreciates them for that.

We went to the pool today. My kids were good- not great- but ok. They were just excited to be out of the house and doing something. Connor is really quite good in the water now. All he needs is water wings and he's good to go. So at some point we were in the "hob tub" (as he calls it) and he was throwing a ball, then swimming to get it. Once it landed near an older woman and she grabbed it and started teasing him. He swam over to her and they looked as if they were having a little conversation. He came back over to us, ball in hand and I just assumed things had gone ok.

Later on in the changeroom, this lady came up to me and was just so full of compliments about Connor.

"He's just so friendly and polite. What a great home he must have!".

At that moment it didn't matter to me that he sometimes throws things and maybe can't speak as articulately as other boys his age. I didn't even feel the need to tell the lady that he knows his shapes, colors and he can count to 16. That he memorizes songs and can tell us how to get home from wherever we are in town.

I just smiled and said "thank you" and realized that today, I will just appreciate him, for him.

5 am and can't go back to sleep. I hate that. Thoughts, worries, stresses and concerns start to play with my mind and before I know it, I'm WIDE awake...longing for heavy eyes and soft pillows.
But, might as well take advantage of this opportunity to write.
Except that there isn't much to say.
My kids are doing well. So far avoiding sickness and seem to be fairly happy most days. Connor is completely potty trained at home, and starting Sunday, we will see how he does in the car, church, shopping etc. It's awesome! Funny though how the sound of the toilet flushing makes it seem like another adult is in the house. :) Sophie is walking everywhere and trying to talk so much more than C did at this age. I love having a boy and girl. They love each other so much and it just makes my heart do flip flops. Of course there is fighting, hitting, screaming, and so on, but in those moments they don't think I see, it's priceless.
My husband is finishing up his last year at school and it can't come soon enough. (for him and I). It's a bit more intense this year and I just want it to be over for him. It certainly makes for interesting choices in Christmas giving when your income is cut down to half, but I'm sure that we will make it work. If we have to "do" Christmas in January, it really doesn't matter to me. My kids are not old enough to care, and personally, it's all about the food with me. :)
There have been so many conversations lately about how to make holidays centered around God and the real story behind the merriment. I think doing what you feel matters within your own family is important. I think having a healthy balance between fun and serious is equally important. I think allowing our children to think of Santa as a "fun, Christmas figure" is ok! It's part of the magic of Christmas. My kids will always know and understand that the reason we celebrate is firstmost Jesus. I have many things that I'm excited to do in years to come to open their eyes to the true reason for the..."season" (couldn't resist) ; but I hope I'm able to do that AS WELL as giving them fun, and putting out cookies for Santa and watching Frosty and Rudolph. I want them to experience the fun of giving gifts and watching reactions. Quality time spent with family and silly traditions. Of course at the heart, will always be Jesus. I say "always" because why is it that at holidays we suddenly panic and need these ordinary days to MEAN more to our kids? Jesus should be there everyday...whenever they have a question, or struggle or victory - there is Jesus!
Some of my friends are doing Christmas differently this year. I love it! Make it your own...tradition is great because it's so personal. No one can say what is right or wrong, it's what works for your family. I look forward to hearing how their days go and if what they decided will carry on in years to come.
For us, Christmas holds a few new things this year. The exchange of pajamas on Christmas Eve after our church service. The reading of the Christmas story - first from a book on the kids level, then from the Bible. (I want to do different versions every year). Just the 4 of us Christmas morning opening gifts, playing with toys and sharing in laughter and delight. Then off to spend time with loved ones and friends and amazing holiday feasting. But in those days of yuletide and good cheer, amidst the wrapping and boxes and ribbons, hovering above the candles, twinkly lights and garlands - may there always be Jesus!

I wish you all a Happy Christmas - whatever that looks like to you - this year.

the freedom to be different...

To look at me you might not see it.

It hides underneath.

I put on clothes, makeup and most days, do my hair so of course it would go unnoticed.

But deep within..

What only my husband and children see...I'm a bit of a freak.

Oh it's not neatness or organizational...

Not even autobiographical or psychological...

But it's there. My difference.

And so in the spirit of - honesty - I will bear my soul. My darkest secrets.

I will let the freak flag fly!

1. I listen to Christmas music all year round. It's my cozy feeling in February, my relaxing chills in summer and my holiday magic when the snow falls. It's my happiness when the sun stays out for only 7 hours, and my secret delight when I meet others who share my guilty pleasure. It's a "me" thing.

2. I like chips. Chips and dip to be exact. Really if you can dip anything, I like it. I purposefully go into the grocery store and tell myself "you don't need chips or dip, you DON'T need chips and dip" but somehow, mysteriously, they end up in my cart, and then in my bag, and before I know it, my stomach. But here's the weird thing - I don't feel guilty! I love it! It's yummy and it tastes good and it's sooooo worth it!

3. I have blue and white plates. Dinner and salad plates. And regardless of whether they are in my cupboard or I'm washing them, I stack them every other color. I can't help it! Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it!

4. I pick hair off people's clothes. Strangers, close friends, doesn't matter. It's a sickness.

5. I will watch a musical just to see my favorite songs, then promptly rewind the song and watch it over...many times doing the actions from the movie, or special ones I've made up just for me.

6. I am a completely different size than I was when I got married only 3 years ago. (shocking I know) I look at pictures and barely recognize myself. Freaky no?

7. I'm terrible at telling jokes. Sarcasm I have mastered for many years now, but jokes? Forget about it. Sometimes even a knock-knock can fail me miserably.

8. I love to share food, but will not take bites of someone else's meal. My husband has tried in vain to get me to "just try" whatever he ordered, but I will resist everytime. I don't take bites...but please, try some of mine!

9. I have to sleep with my bare feet out of the covers. I could be winter camping in the Alps with temperatures well below freezing, and my bare feet would be poking out of my sleeping bag.

Of course there are more, lots more I'm sure, but take these few.

We are talking in my moms' group lately about our children's uniqueness and how to channel that as mothers when things they do may be irritating or overwhelming. It made me think of some of my eccentric ways and unique behaviour.

I am woman, hear me roar! But I'm also so much more. The lady underneath...the mystery.

The total weirdness.

He gives and takes away...

Last month I lost something.
It was ...
Emotional.
Unreal.
Devastating.
Heart breaking.
Painful.

I've heard of others who have lost, and I always wondered how I would react. It was different than I thought and yet - the same.
I cried.
Pondered.
Wondered.
Hoped it wasn't true.

But it was.
How could I miss something that I had only 6 weeks?
How do you go on knowing what was lost?
Why is grieving so hard and plaguing me still?

Because before I knew, I loved.
I wanted.
I cherished.
I was thrilled.

Now to go on seems unfair; disloyal. To start over feels like a betrayal to this memory.

But life goes on. It has to. And all we can do is anticipate our first meeting in another place.
Someday.

...and they call it "puppy love"...

My brother recently got married and is it ever cute to watch the two of them interact. The loving looks, lots of touching(always PG of course) and the way all of their flaws and bad habits seem somehow "cute" to the other one.

The first time I heard my husband snore, I remember thinking, "Ah..he is so tired! How sweet!" Now he's lucky to get one small snort out before my elbow meets his rib in a firm, yet loving way. Ha...when does that change? How fast things can go from "cute" to "irritating" in those first few months.

They are so in love, so I know that even though the small things will become big and all of a sudden it's a big deal which side of the roll the toilet paper hangs down, they will get through it. They will become better for it and it will bring them closer. I'm so happy for them and excited to watch their love grow. :)
AH...young love!

will he need therapy?

How do you apologize to a 2 yr. old?

My husband and I were talking tonight about our son Connor and it kinda hit us...we've given him a bad rep. Everywhere we go its, "Oh Connor is a brat...he's disobedient, he's not a nice kid, he's a treasure." And now, people seem to expect him to be bad whenever he is around. Of course we have our struggles, our moments, our days, our minutes...but he really is a sweet boy. He loves his sister, and Dada, and Mama. He loves to sing "Sunshine Mountain, Jesus Loves Me, The Itsy Bitsy Spider and Running Over", (with all the actions). He dances with me and giggles when I tickle him. He could have someone read to him for hours without moving. He loves pointing out every single car, truck or bus we see. (and I mean every one!). He gets crazy excited about his "duice" and treats and when I pray with him at night, he clasps his chubby hands together and says "en" for Amen.
He's the first. My first child, teether, walker and 2 yr. old, and already I've made mistakes with him that I don't care to admit. How is that possible in only 2 years?
This isn't a tribute, or guilt ridden post so much as I just needed someone to know that I'm sorry. I talk with friends about my frustrations and irritations, but I just never thought that would affect how people treat/view him. Everyone needs to vent right? It's human. And in the same way, every mother defends and protects what is hers, so here I go.
If you know us, please be patient. Please allow him to be 2. Please understand that WE do give consequences and that he will understand if he does something wrong. Please let him be a boy. Let him make mistakes. But overall, please don't judge him on something I've said in weakness or annoyance.
He is one of the 3 loves of my life and I wouldn't trade him for anything.

my resolution - a few months late...

I was recently talking with a friend of mine about weight, love handles and general/overall flabbiness. The joys of woman/mother hood. Isn't it great ladies? I am less concerned with an actual "goal weight" and more concerned with how I feel in the clothes I own. Right now? I don't feel awesome...time for a change. I wish I lived closer to a big city gym where I could attend aerobic and spin classes, because other people motivate me to work out. I exercise daily, but just don't really push myself. (Plus I'm not sure a good brisk walk counts for anything when you come home and proceed to eat cookies, chocolate and chips by the handful.) So I've decided to cut out certain things in my diet. Starting NOW I am fasting from pop, chips and chocolate. (my goal is to go one week at a time and keep adding weeks and see how I do.) And next week I am taking up running.
Now to those that know me best, the thought of me doing any kind of strenuous activity may seem comical...perhaps even impossible, but I am resolved! And you will all be keeping me accountable on this. (even if no one reads it, I will know that I don't want to admit failure and that will spur me forward).
Many of my friends are runners and by that I mean...marathon! I'm at a slow jog/speed walk level, so honestly this should be interesting! I plan to run in the evenings or mornings(fewer people to actually witness this roly poly body swishing this way and that) and I have a jogging buddy who has agreed to come with and help me attain this goal.
I will let you know how it goes!
Regardless of what our goals in life are, isn't it great when you reach them? Such a mixture of pride and accomplishment. Feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction...I'm so looking forward to that!
*On a side note though - what is jogging etiquette? When you work out with a friend is it appropriate to listen to music? Do you have to talk? Do you discuss how many blocks you will go? Hair up or down? Gum or no gum? Water bottles? Is it weird to dress similar? Shorts? Pants? Tank or tee?
Any help on this would be appreciated!